Looking ahead

So 2013 is around the corner and all the anticipation a new year brings.  I am reluctant to make any NY resolutions yet, as someone who is goal driven and a planner, I need to try are chart a rough course.

I hate feeling somewhat jaded but after this year and going from that crazy hysterical excitement and anticipation to rock bottom I cannot quite throw myself in my usual hope junkie abandon at the year ahead.   Its like a bad break up.  I am just not ready for a new boyfriend quite yet.   So what have I got planned for 2013:

Social Work Studies: Well I do 8 subjects at UNISA, 4 are semester and 4 are year subjects which means I only write 4 exams per half year.   Now that I kicked butt this year I do feel a little pressure to continue to do well.    Also, I would like to try do my degree in 5 years instead of 6 but that means the last year doing 9 year subjects which would be HECTIC.     Rebeka would be starting her 1st year of high school and Sofie in grade 6.   Daniel would be 2nd year varsity, God willing!    But hey, I am running way too far ahead.

Exercise:   Well I had grand plans to start bootcamp on the 7th of January but my beloved pilates teacher has begged me to reconsider.  She says with my back and spine pathology it would not be a great idea.  I am bummed as I was looking forward to the social aspect and the competition which would drive me to achieve more fitness goals.  I cannot run or do a single push up.   Seriously wussy!  I guess I will have to stick to my walking which I do love and try and go down to the gym to do more swimming sessions.   As for my pilates.  I just cant.   I hate it.  Cornell my teacher, her I love.  The actual boring pilates, not so much.  I know it would help my back.  I have bought every piece of pilates equipment yet I do nothing at home.  I annoy myself.  Me = Arsehole!  Maybe I will do a beginners class at the gym but probably not.  Hopefully I can still get down to the court to play tennis once a week which is my all time fave.  

Agatha.  She is fine.   The therapy helped this year and I think I have her squeezed into a jar.   She waves at me sometimes but is mostly harmless and contained behind the glass.  In fact I have moments of affection when I even call her Aggie and I am grateful for the upside of anxiety.  The energy and ability to do more, achieve more and enjoy the feeling of being driven and a little rushy.  I f I can keep my tools for managing her and incorporate my therapy then I am hoping I can handle her for the rest of my long life.  Taking that anti-anxiety this year has potentially screwed up my life for ever and I heard from another doc this week that the oral dystonia is most likely irreversible.   But back to my tools so you can use them too:   Having a diary where all appointments are written down.  Working out my exact daily timetable for my studies for the next 6 months.  Having the kids schedules all typed up and visible.  Re packing sports bags as soon as they come home and having them hung up ready to go.   Filling out reply slips immediately and putting them back in their bags.   Buying and labeling all the stationary for next year including spares for the year.  (Have to take advantage of the specials!)   Making the hair appointments, vet appointments for early next year.  Making sure I have stuff for school lunch and freezing half their juice the night before.   Flip, I sound a little OC don't I?   I have to cut out as much stress as possible and make sure my cortisol levels stay reasonable.    Knowing I can never take an anti-dep is both a blessing and a curse.   I have to manage this unwanted genetic curse and I finally feel I am winning.

Finding a Doc.   I am still on Rivotril for my oral dystonia.  Its physically and psychologically addictive yet it does help my mouth.  The prob is half a tab morning and night did the trick.  Then it wore off and a full tab did the same.  Now its worn off again and I am going to see my neuro in the new year to see if I can up my dose again or what I need to take.   Somewhere out there I will find some doc who will teach me to manage this.   I must say having an drink does help and I am still wandering about the medical marijuana but I will wait to find out more.  Of course having it just go away would be frikkin' marvelously ridiculously awesome but I fear that becomes less likely as time goes by.

Travel:    Yippeeyahoo!   The best and most favorite part of my year.  As you know I go to Singapore, Cambodia and Bangkok in April to see my sister and her friend Vivienne.   2 weeks of my fave food, hippy cheap clothes from crazy markets, ancient beautiful temples, amazing beauty and the slickness of Sing.  Plus the bond with my sister and her family.  Then, if all happens according to hopes and plans, I go to Skiathos in Greece on the 3rd of August with Gary to re do our wedding vows.   The 1st of Feb is my actual 10 year anniversary but Skiathos is where I fell in love exactly 12 years earlier when we arrived on that date.  I always said we would go to Small Assilinos, our favorite little beach and repeat our vows when we hit the 10 year mark.  I know its a little corny but you know I am a romantic and it would be so special to stand on that beach and repeat our love and commitment to each other. 

So that's my year.   Studying, traveling, exercising, mothering, wife-ing and seeking.  2012 my word was ABUNDANCE.  For 2013 Jesus has given me 2 little words, JUST LOVE.   I will have to do a separate little post to explain.   Tomorrow, right now its snuggle time with my girls and then bed time.  I must say writing this has definitely given me a more positive vibe towards 2013.   I think the Hope Junkie is being revived!